hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
