remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
