Moan for me like Helen Keller
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
