im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
