I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there was a trapeze. enough said
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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