May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she looked like the before picture.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize