i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
