The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
