Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
