He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
