I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
