im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
