Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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