Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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