weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
