So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
