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What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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