So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am mentally ready for anal.
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