Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
tonight lets celebrate not being married
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
