We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
