I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
