I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
