Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i dont even know how to be here
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
