Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
