if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i love accidental penises.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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