Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize