so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
