maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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