Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
