i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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