Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
