We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
