I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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