She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
