Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
