Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
