in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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