I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
