I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
