it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
