I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
