i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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