goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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