Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
