Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
