last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
