he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can I color on your dick again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
