i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
