Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
