my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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