i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
