Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
