Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
