she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
