Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
