Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
