is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
