hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
