She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
