just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
