I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize