you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
