the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
