Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
