I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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