It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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