Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
