Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
