I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
