Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
