i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
porn star boner night. come get it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
