how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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