I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need moral support for this bender
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize